I’d like to start this off by letting everyone know that I’m not really into comics of any kind. Superheroes, anime, uhh whatever other kinds of comics are out there… Like, I know there are die hard fans out there, but I’ll watch the movie based solely how hot the characters are.
This movie review will be no different; I’m basing my opinions on the film based on how hot the characters are. There might be spoilers ahead, but whatever, no one’s gonna see this movie.
The film received a 28% on Rotten Tomatoes and I completely agree with it. First of all, there were no dogs. We all know how I feel about dogs. Second, there were no dongs. Okay yeah, Ben Affleck got super sweaty and worked out in one scene, but that’s not enough. Lemme see that butt, Ben!
Also, Superman and Lois get steamy in a bathtub WHILE HE’S FULLY CLOTHED? WHAT. No. I don’t want to see soggy pants, I wanna see the peen. And this scene was at the beginning of the movie, so my expectations were set hella low right from the start.
I’m also not a huge fan of Ben Affleck. He broke the heart of not only one, but TWO of America’s Sweethearts/Jennifers! I love JLo, so the fact that he did her dirty and broke of their engagement FOUR DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING hurts my soul. Then he went on to marry Jennifer Garner, his “soul mate.” He cheats on her after 10 years of marriage! What kind of garbage scum does that to Jennifer Garner?
I hate Ben Affleck, therefore I hate Batman. But he had a great bod in that scene where he’s working out intensely, so I have a very mild respect for him.
Henry Cavill is a god, so naturally I was rooting for Superman to win the entire time. Even the fact that I’m terrified of aliens didn’t stop me from loving him. I also related to him. He wore glasses, I wear glasses. He’s a journalist, I have a journalism degree. He loves his mom, I love my mom. We were the same person basically, and I love myself so I was naturally inclined to love Superman.
Lois brought him down though. I’m not a huge fan of Amy Adams, so her needy ass was irritating and also he almost died for that hoe multiple times!!!!
My favorite character was Wonder Woman because she was definitely the hottest and most bad ass woman of all time. If it wasn’t for her, both Batman and Superman AND THE WORLD would’ve died at the hands of Jesse Eisenberg- the second most irritating celebrity out there. #1 is Toby Maguire.
Overall, this movie sucked but I slept through half of it, so it was chill.